A complete guide to the emotional transformation of becoming a mother (matrescence).
There’s a moment — sometimes quiet, sometimes chaotic — when a woman realises she’s not just raising a child. She’s being reshaped from the inside out.
Her identity is shifting. Her priorities have changed. Her emotions feel unrecognisable.
And perhaps for the first time, she wonders: Who even am I now?
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. What you’re experiencing has a name — and naming it might be the lifeline you’ve been longing for.
It’s called matrescence.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, disconnected, or unsure of who you are becoming, you don’t have to carry that alone. My resources are here to support your mental and emotional wellbeing, help you understand what’s shifting beneath the surface, and gently strengthen the bond between you and your baby — without pressure, guilt, or rushing your healing.
Select your first step to get started.
What Is Matrescence?
Matrescence (pronounced ma-TRESS-ence) is the process of becoming a mother.
Coined in the 1970s by anthropologist Dana Raphael and later brought into the modern conversation by reproductive psychiatrist Dr. Alexandra Sacks, matrescence refers to the emotional, physical, social, hormonal, and psychological transition a woman undergoes when she becomes a mother.
If this reminds you of adolescence, you’re not wrong — the two are often compared.
Like adolescence, matrescence is marked by radical transformation:
- Hormones surge and fluctuate
- Brain function rewires
- Social roles change
- Identity shifts
- Emotional sensitivity intensifies
But unlike adolescence, matrescence is often invisible.
There are no guidebooks, no coming-of-age ceremonies, no understanding nods. Just a sea of parenting advice — and very little space to ask, What’s happening to me?
What Happens During Matrescence?
Matrescence isn’t a single moment. It’s a process — sometimes gentle, sometimes jarring.
Some of the shifts women experience include:
- Emotional Ambivalence: Feeling intense love and longing for space at the same time.
- Loss of Identity: Mourning the version of yourself who had freedom, focus, and uninterrupted thoughts.
- Changed Relationships: Navigating new dynamics with your partner, friends, or family.
- Physical and Hormonal Changes: From postpartum bleeding and lactation to brain fog and insomnia.
- A New Inner Dialogue: Constant questioning, guilt, second-guessing — and unexpected moments of joy.
If you’ve ever cried in the middle of the night while rocking your baby, wondering Why didn’t anyone tell me it would feel like this? — you were probably in the thick of matrescence.
Why Naming It Matters
There is so much power in naming what you’re going through.
Without a name, we internalise the struggle. We think we’re failing.
We think we’re not coping, not adjusting, not strong enough.
But the truth is — you’re not failing.
You’re transforming.
“You are not lost. You are in transition.” — Alexandra Sacks, MD
Naming matrescence gives you permission to feel what you feel.
It creates space for grief and joy, for uncertainty and awe.
It helps you realise: You’re not doing it wrong. It’s just hard — because it’s meant to be.
How to Support Yourself Through Matrescence
Matrescence is not a problem to fix — it’s a passage to honour.
But like any major life change, it deserves support. Here’s how to care for yourself in this tender season:
1. Accept the Emotional Complexity
You can love your baby and still long for your old life.
You can feel joy and frustration in the same breath.
Let go of the guilt and let yourself be human.
2. Stop Measuring Yourself Against Others
Social media shows highlight reels. Your mother-in-law remembers motherhood through a different lens. You’re allowed to trust your now without needing it to look like someone else’s then.
3. Use Gentle Reflection
Journaling, creative writing, or using guided workbooks (like the ones we offer here) can help you put language to your inner world.
Naming emotions creates clarity. And clarity brings peace.
4. Ask for Emotional, Not Just Practical, Support
Sometimes help with laundry is amazing.
But sometimes what you really need is someone to say,
“I know this feels big. You’re doing better than you think.”
Don’t be afraid to ask for both.
5. Anchor Yourself Spiritually
If you feel disoriented, know that you’re still held.
There’s a deeper identity beyond even “mother” — a beloved one.
“God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day.” — Psalm 46:5
Your becoming is not unnoticed. It’s sacred ground.
Matrescence Is Not a Crisis — It’s a Calling
There is grief in letting go of the woman you once were.
But there is beauty in discovering the woman you’re becoming.
She’s wiser. Softer in all the right places. Stronger in ways she doesn’t even see yet.
She is you — reborn.
