There’s a word for what you’re going through, even if no one has ever said it out loud. It’s the strange, sacred unravelling of who you were before motherhood—and the slow, beautiful rebuilding of who you are now. It’s called matrescence, and it’s as real and powerful as adolescence.
While the world focuses on the baby, matrescence shines a gentle light on the mother—the shifting hormones, the changing relationships, the quiet identity crisis, and the emotional growing pains that come with becoming someone new.
What Is Matrescence?
Coined by anthropologist Dana Raphael in the 1970s, matrescence refers to the physical, emotional, hormonal, and social transition a woman goes through when she becomes a mother. Much like adolescence, it’s not a single moment—it’s a process. And like adolescence, it can be awkward, messy, painful, and also deeply transformative.
Unlike postpartum depression (which is a clinical condition), matrescence is not a disorder. It’s a normal and expected part of the journey into motherhood—one that deserves more language, support, and visibility.
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Why It Feels Like You’re Losing Yourself
One of the hardest parts of matrescence is the feeling that you’re drifting from the person you once were. You may find yourself grieving your old freedoms, your identity, or your former body. You may even feel guilty for missing the “before,” even while being deeply grateful for your child.
But here’s the truth: you are not lost—you are being remade.
This tension between who you were and who you’re becoming isn’t something to be ashamed of. It’s something to be honoured.
Emotional Milestones of Matrescence
1. Grief & Gratitude Coexisting
Missing your old life while being grateful for your baby? That’s normal. Two feelings can live side by side.
2. Identity Shifts
You might ask: Who am I now? Your priorities shift. Your values deepen. Sometimes, even your relationships change.
3. Newfound Strength
Through the sleepless nights and long days, you begin to recognize a resilience you didn’t know you had.
4. Cracks That Let the Light In
Vulnerability opens the door to self-compassion and healing. You learn to mother not only your baby, but yourself.
Why Naming It Matters
There’s so much power in naming an experience. When you realize this is a thing, you stop thinking you’re the only one. You stop feeling like something is wrong with you.
Naming matrescence gives you permission to feel it all—without guilt, without shame, without pressure to bounce back.
How to Support Yourself Through Matrescence
- Give Yourself Time: This is not a race. Becoming a mother takes time—and grace.
- Reflect Often: Journaling, praying, or simply noticing your emotional landscape helps you stay connected to your evolving self.
- Find Your Village: Whether through online communities or local mom groups, being seen is healing.
- Be Gentle With Your Expectations: You don’t have to love every moment. You don’t have to do it perfectly. You only have to be present.
Whispers from the Village
“The day I admitted I was struggling was the day I began to heal.”
— Leiah, mom of 2
“I thought I had lost myself in motherhood, but I found a deeper, more rooted version of me instead.”
— Mbali, mom of 1
“Letting go of who I thought I had to be gave me space to become who I truly am.”
— Julie, mom of 3
Final Thoughts
Matrescence is a profound, often unseen transformation. It’s the bridge between who you were and the mother you are becoming. It is tender. It is holy. And it deserves to be honoured—not just in the quiet corners of your heart, but in the way we speak about motherhood.
You’re not alone in this shift. You’re part of a village of mothers who have walked this path before you—and who are walking it beside you, even now.
Connect with me on Instagram @intuitive_parenting_academy for insights and encouragement on your parenting journey.